Updated Stock Market Terminology for Laughs

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer.

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER — What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW — The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

And my favorite:

PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.

A big thank you to http://bigpicture.typepad.com for these laughs.

I’m very grateful that I was 100% in cash before this 40% sell off which naturally makes it easy to laugh. My sympathy goes to anyone who suffered through it and my apologies if it was not a laughing matter to you. Still I hope you can see the humor in the new financial terminology for 2008.

Warmest regards,

Ellery